A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are sitting around talking about their kids.
The brunette says: “I found cigarettes in my daughter’s room and I didn’t know she smoked”.
The redhead replies: “I found liquor in my daughter’s room and I didn’t know she drank”.
The blonde chuckles and says: “That’s nothing! I found condoms in my daughter’s room and I didn’t know she had a penis!”
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No, I haven’t seen your LSD…
But have you seen the fucking DRAGONS in the kitchen?!
You might be surprised to see the famous TV character Mr Bean giving a speech in Spanish parliament.
Despite the eyebrows and the wide grin, it wasn’t the actor Rowan Atkinson talking about tax reform though.
It’s just that Spain’s then Prime Minister, José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero had an uncanny resemblance to the English comic.
In fact, these two are perhaps the most famous lookalike pairing in Spain in recent times.
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Mother: What did you learn in school today?
Son: How to write.
Mother: What did you write?
Son: I don’t know, they haven’t taught us how to read yet!
A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, “How do I get on the other side?”
The blonde says:”You are on the other side!”
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A man lying on his deathbed called to him, his lawyer, his doctor, and his pastor. “I am going to die tonight,” and I want to prove that when you go to heaven you can take it all with you. So to my three most trusted friends, you three of course, I am leaving 50,000 dollars in these envelopes. When I die you must come to my funeral and put the envelopes in my coffin with me.” The man handed the three men identical envelopes.
A day later they each received news that, that night the old man had died . So each knew they must go to his funeral and fulfill his death wish.
Standing over the coffin one week later the pastor confessed, ” I can’t hide what I’ve done. I took 10,000 dollars from the envelope because the church needed to be painted.”
Then as he did so the doctor also started to fidget then finally confessed “I took 30,000 dollars from my envelope because the hospital needed a new wing.”
Ten the lawyer said plainly “You bunch of crooks! I wrote him a check for the full amount!”
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A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively: “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs: “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!”
By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles at him and says: “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I’m a graduate student in psychology and I’m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations” .
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs: “What do you mean $200!”
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